How to Raise An Independent Child: Building Lifetime Skills for Independence, Leadership, and Confidence.
Healthy Body, Mind, and Soul: Nurture Your Children & Watch Them Flourish
Leadership Training by a Dog? What?!
This is one of my favorites. If you have a family dog at home, it’s the perfect way to show strength and confidence in a loving way. Does your dog listen to you and follow your commands? Does your dog follow you when you take her for a walk or is your dog taking you for a walk? If you are not the leader of your own dog pack, then check out the famous Dog Whisperer! Come back after you can be a leader of your own dog before you can help your kids.
Assuming you have mastered Dog Training 101, this is what I did to help my son develop leadership and responsibility. First, I reinforced that the dog leash can only be used by people who are leaders, powerful, strong, and responsible. We talked about trust and importance of being kind and gentle with animals. Family was discussed, as we hug and love our dog as part of the family. Before he even touched that leash, we went over concepts of leadership as well as the other attributes that Dr Dad felt was vital. (My wife likes to call me Dr “Nag”. That’s okay, I’m good at it!)
What do you think happened when we gave our son the leash at 2 years of age? Well, he stared at it. Then, he looked me as if some kind of magic was about to happen since he took reign of the almighty leash. Well, our dog Buddy had a different idea and started dragging our son down the hallway and throughout the house. Sure, we could have left it at that. Instead, I showed him how to say firmly, respectfully, and with a deep resounding voice: “Buddy, come with me” and had him walk faster and ahead of the dog. “Be the leader or Buddy will not listen to you.”
Then I upped the ante and showed him some cool dog tricks. Learning to use hand gestures to reinforce the commands like sit, down, and roll over caused an instant smile across our son’s face. Priceless. Can’t buy that at the toy store.
Healthy Children = Confident, Strong Children
When was the last time you went to the gym? Do you love vegetables and fruits? Your own viewpoints on health, body image, and fitness will directly or indirectly have a strong impact on your children’s beliefs. Read this WebMD article on “How to Boost Your Kid’s Body Image.” Kids who are overweight or unhealthy have lower self esteem, deal with bullying from classmates and peers, and are always tired. Children who are fit have the energy and physique to feel confident.
Enroll them in a sports league, the Scouts, or other physical enhancement program such as MyGym for kids. I believe MyGym is nationwide and we are active members; they cater to babies and young children. Kids love it! Physical activities, especially in a group, help children develop physical skills but also encourage social and emotional engagement with other kids. Dr Dad: “I love doing pull-ups for my biceps and backs, followed by triceps and chest dips at MyGym! I work out and play when my son does.” When children watch their mom or dad enjoy their workout, then they will want to as well. Dads, say bye-bye to Dad Bod mentality. Moms–never mind, “you are perfect the way you are.” đ
Don’t be a Sideline Parent: Join the Fun! No time for the gym? Perfect!Work out with your children. My son wanted to join the action when he saw me working out at home on the BodyBoss Home Gym (a highly effective & fast work out using resistance bands and your own body weight; better yet, it only requires 5 feet of space and packs up into a briefcase).
Starting at age 2, our son had his own 2 pound dumbbells and a 4 pound medicine ball. He wanted it because he saw his dear old dad doing it, so…we bought it for him! While struggling at first, he is a rather robust little man and works out with me at times. For you, it could be hiking, basketball or bicycling together. Make it a family event! Actively plan on events that are good for your bodies, fun for the kiddos, and most importantly, lifelong bonding events that your children will always remember and treasure.
Pick ONE Sport that Your Child Enjoys: Maybe you believe your child is the next Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods or Tom Brady. Doesn’t matter. As tempting as it may be, please don’t push your kids into sports or activities they don’t genuinely enjoy. Sample a variety of activities to find out what they are good at and what they truly enjoy.
Dr Dad was forced to play violin as my parents thought I would be the next Yo-Yo Ma. Nope, didn’t happen. I hated it! Lots of wasted time in my childhood playing an instrument that I did not enjoy. I loved tennis though! Never had lessons and made the very last cut on the varsity team BUT it kept my body active and sound while still achieving academic success.
Check This Out: Kids Love Their Veggies?!
Dr Dad would be irresponsible to not cover dietary recommendations for our children. Admittedly, but not regrettably, “Mrs Dr Dad” is in charge of the dietary needs; we will soon be gently coaxing her into writing some articles for this website, as she has a world of knowledge on children’s nutrition and health needs. Seriously, did you know that there are moms out there that put their baby’s milk intake and “poop journal” on an Excel spreadsheet?!
Practice what you preach. Eating out frequently or taking food out regularly? Guilty of too many tasty treats and carbs? Then STOP! Before you tell your kids how important vegetables and healthy food are for their bodies, you need to start fixing your own diet. Learn to love and adopt a healthy lifestyle and your kids will too!
Dr Dad: “I”m always on a low carb, healthy diet. My patients tell me that I have always been in shape. Truth is, I have been easily 20 pounds over my current weight in the past. Nobody beats father time and everyone’s metabolism will eventually slow down. I’m always on a diet with more vegetables and healthy low-fat protein sources such as chicken, fish, and egg whites. Carbs are my enemy!” If you enjoy healthy eating choices, then so will your kids. Check out this YouTube video of kids genuinely enjoying their veggies:
Stand Behind the Child to Really Teach Effectively
Last but no least, this is one of Dr Dad’s personal favorite hack or tip: stand behind your child! When we face the child or stand to the side of the child, the orientation, direction and perspective of how to do something is different than that of your child. Stand behind your child and show them from behind and imagine how you would do it step-by-step.
Here’s an example: If I put on or take off my pants, I step in and out of them with ease. Can a toddler do that? Not likely if they haven’t achieved the strength, balance and agility to do so. We found our son a stool that he could sit on for balance and support. Then we showed him how mommy and daddy would put on pants sitting down, one pant leg at a time. We then showed him how to pull the pants down to the ankles and step out of them. Finally, we stood behind the stool he was sitting on and went through the process one step at a time. Magic? No, but it was a great confidence booster. Over time, he has become better and better.
“I can do everything myself” Kids
Some of you will have trouble with the overly-independent âI can do everything by myselfâ type of kids with this method. For those children, a modified version of this is for you to say, âPlease grab daddyâs (or mommyâs) hands and help me do this.â Now, they are helping you while maintaining the independence that they value so highly at this age. They simply hold your hands while you go through the steps, again doing it behind them so they can visualize how they will eventually do it themselves. Tell them you need their help! Act helpless. Make it fun and playful. The independent types are usually also the one that are most eager to please and help.
Takeaway: always imagine yourself from their height, angle, and strength when determining how to fine tune your child’s skills!
How Much Help Should I Give My Kids? Do I Need Help Myself?
Truthfully, the least possible help you give the better. As long as your child knows that you are more than willing to help in times of need, then they don’t have to worry about not being able to achieve or succeed. That is why Dr Dad will reinforce the concept of team and family repeatedly throughout the posts. Even you, yes YOU (looking straight at you mom and dad) need help sometimes. Read on to see how our family reached out for help:
People keep asking me about the Terrible Twos or Threenagers. Maybe we have been lucky so far, but it has been the Terrific Twos so far. Now, let me tell you about the Horrible Ones: from birth until almost one years of age, our son did not let us sleep. After working 11 hours at the clinic, the last thing I wanted was to spend another hour or two rocking my child, praying that he would fall asleep and stay asleep. Dr Dad read about 10 books and many online articles about different methods. Tried a few but failed. It was a very frustrating first year for us and also put a strain on the marriage–a sleepless spouse does not make for happy spouse. Finally, we actually paid to have our hands held by a Sleep Coach. Voila! Perfect sleeper after 2 weeks.
Bottom Line: Don’t be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help!
Developing Independence, Confidence, and Leadership Skills
Dr Dad is a strong advocate of promoting independence, confidence, and leadership in children. In closing, I challenge you to either use some of my techniques or modify them in anyway you like to find ways to foster independence and confidence in your child. Live healthy, eat healthy, be healthy.
