How to Explain Death to a Toddler: Start as Early as Possible!
Best Time to Talk to Kids About Death: Right Now!
Explaining death to a child or toddler is tough! Don’t wait until a loved one or family dog or cat passes away. Bugs, fish, butterflies–use them to help! I’ll bet everyone else probably told you that you should wait until your child is older and mature enough to understand what death really means. Don’t wait! Bring it up now if you want to make it easier for yourself down the road when the inevitable death of a family member occur or even the beloved family dog or cat.
When our two year old son was playing with an insect on the floor, I introduced him to the world of bugs and Mr Roly Poly. We took him home and he watched with wonderment as it curled into a ball and then unrolled himself and began moving again. We put him into a jar with some leaves and dirt. Sadly, we forgot to move Roly Poly back outside.
Two days later, our two year old showed us his jar and lifeless body and asked us to “fix it.” He had watched my wife and I repair so many of his electronic gadgets and toys that we were magicians that could bring anything and anybody back to life. What should I say?
In that instant, we decided that it would be best to just tell him the truth. Life. Growth. Death. The entire life cycle was now within his grasp. How could I explain this? We looked toward its lifeless body and talked about how it not moving, not breathing, and its heart is no longer beating. We talked about emotions and sadness when something we like or love is gone. We even introduced some spirituality and briefly mentioned heaven and God, as if those were concepts he could even be able to grasp.
A few weeks later, our son’s fish Dalmatian died (a black and white Molly fish that we named Dalmatian to help him learn that word). This time, our son was able to say that she “died” and was “dead” and not moving. I could sense some sadness or despair as he looked at us again. This time, he realized there we could not fix the problem for him. We took Dalmatian out and our two year old son, my wife, and I buried her in our backyard. Our son got his toy shovel and helped us dig a hole, as we buried Dalmatian, followed by a prayer. We put some flowers and a fisherman tombstone so he could go back and see his favorite fish and her memorial tombstone.
Keep Pushing Forward with Theme: Butterflies
A toddler or child needs constant reinforcement to lock in what you are trying to teach them. What better way than to teach them about the life cycle than that of a caterpillar to chrysalis to butterflies, the process of metamorphosis. Knowing full well that the butterflies would eventually die, we bought the Amazon’s Choice Insect Lore Butterfly Garden.
Our child watched with wonder and awe, not expecting the end of the butterfly’s life cycle to be as important as the beginning. Here is the video of one of our conversations about life & death with our child on YouTube:
